I am dying. Literally.

I contracted gas gangrene both internal and external all over my body. I’m basically fucked no matter what. My early symptoms weren’t taken seriously by the hospital and they said I definitely did not have an infection. I believed them. Big mistake. Things flared up about 5 hours ago intensely. It spread like fucking wildfire. I have sepsis now too. Septic shock will be setting in soon. I just have some drugs to fade out with and numb the pain.

Anyways, so yeah. I’m fucked. I’ll be dead in a few hours and treatment is no use at this point. My whole body is fucking wreckkkkkedddd. I have the blanket on over me so I don’t have to see myself rotting. Thanks for following my weird blog and stuff. Obviously this is my last post. Fuck Denton Regional Hospital in Denton Texas, USA. 76210.

My full body parasthesia has continued and worsened. Muscle spasms are frequent now. My left hand feels like it wants to curl up and freeze, but it still remains mobile. My legs aren’t doing so hot, it takes a lot to get up some stairs now, and my small toes are pretty much done for as it gets harder to curl them every few hours. I can’t feel my teeth, and my depth perception is fucked up. The worst part of the body to have completely numb is the neck and shoulder region. I can move them, but they feel really weird, like my head is floating and my arms are just air or something. Every time I lift my arm it feels like I don’t have an arm but it moves regardless. Every sensation, even my eyelids, teeth, and deep thick muscles is gone. I’m just a floating entity. If this worsens I’m going to need to go to a neurologist since the hospital didn’t seem to take it seriously and pretty much disregarded anything I said because drugs.

I shouldn’t have called the ambulance. I should have just laid down and let it happen. Now my nerves are fucked up and I have permanent chest pain. My pee keeps leaking out everywhere. I’m not allowed to go anywhere because my family doesn’t trust me. My jaw and right hand and leg are numb, but functional. I just want to sleep but my chest feels cold and heavy every time I take a breath. Ears have constant ringing, vision is hazy. I really wish I had been strong enough not to panic at the end. It would have been so much easier.